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Here's another entry full of emotional crap i hope everyone can read but at the same time don't. Again, tears run down my cheeks as I write. But who's fault is it except mine? Why must I always purposedly hurt myself by venturing into things I'm not supposed to?

I'm a stalker. And I must admit that I'm particularly good at this. CSI would be my second option if my future plans won't work out. But yeah. Earlier this morning, I "came across" something in the internet... A blog. I'm a sucker for blogs. I try to read all of the entries of a particular person when I stumble upon his/her threshold.

But the blog I "stumbled" into did not just belong to any other person in the interwebs. It belonged to someone whose writings may, will, hurt me if I decided to drown myself into reading.

Why must I purposedly hurt myself...?

I don't know. But after perusing over the said blog, I did not know what to feel. Honestly, I don't. It's a good thing that I try to read entries chornologically as much as possible. Since the blog is fairly new, I didn't mind starting from the very beggining - in the beginning where it hurt the most... Where I realized what I'm really up against. Or rather, what I'm really into.

That entry was six months ago. He was like that... Like how I feared he actually is. I asked myself, what difference can there be in six months? In four months? When put in the same situation as when shit (multiple of them) happened. How would he be?

I just started crying. But even so, I went on... I read.

Until the next entry of him came, my doubt was appeased just a little bit. It was how Thailand had saved the world. Although I couldn't help but imagine how it would have gone if Thailand wasn't in the picture. It devastated me.

Right now, lots of things are racing through my head. I still don't know what exactly I should be feeling, how I should be reacting. I would say that how I'm handling this had improved. If this happened sometime earlier this year, I would burst into an emotional rage and curse everyone in my way.